🔗 Share this article Those Words shared by My Father That Saved Me when I became a New Parent "I think I was just trying to survive for the first year." One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father. However the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations. Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo. "I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated. After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support. The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time." "It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling. They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out. Self-parenting That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices. The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four. As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt. "You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm." Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone. Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring. Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons. "I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."
"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year." One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father. However the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations. Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo. "I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated. After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support. The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time." "It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling. They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out. Self-parenting That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices. The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four. As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt. "You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm." Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone. Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring. Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons. "I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."