🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.